PRISONER CELL BLOCK CHIC

When the 'What's New For You' email (otherwise known as the 'What You Can't Afford' email) from Net-a-Porter drops in to my inbox on a Monday, I usually have a quick,admirable scroll and file it away for future fantasy shopping details. Signing up to receive new arrivals from my favourite designers is one of the most worthwhile things I've ever done - how can you not get excited by Christopher Kane, Isabel Marant, Alexander McQueen and IRO in the same email?

But today's one was a bit of an eye-opener for all the wrong reasons. I'd seen the Stella McCartney SS11 collection before but, presented to me in stark packshots on a white background, gone was the designer allure. What replaced it? An inexplicable urge to dig out my Prisoner Cell Block H boxset.

Stella McCartney Oversized Denim Dress £435

Stella McCartney Oversized Denim Top £265

Stella McCartney Mid-rise Wide-leg Denim Shorts £345

Stella McCartney Mid-length Denim Skirt £345

How I haven't noticed the similarity between Freja strutting her stuff on Stella's SS11 catwalk and Bea Smith steaming the living daylights out of Her Majesty's linens on the press before today, I will never know. But if Stella didn't take some inspiration from the Wentworth women, I'd be mightily surprised. 

Bea Smith may have been the 'top dog' in her denim tunic and grass green shirt combo, but I always thought the true style icon of the show was Erica Davidson, the long-suffering blonde goddess of a governor that was surely destined to parade her beehive and prim skirt suits in an altogether more glamorous environment than the shaky-walled prison.

So maybe next season Stella will look to 'Davo', as the legendary Lizzie Birdsworth affectionately called her? I think it's a far better look than Bea Smith, whose 'style' is one fashion crime I don't intend to commit this season!

Stella McCartney SS11

http://www.net-a-porter.com

NET-A-NEON

With the launch of Net-A-Porter's online TV channel, I thought it was worth checking out what they have to offer. Here's a look ahead to how we'll all be dressing should we choose to follow Christopher Kane's philosophy, which appears to promote a cultural clash of prim and proper princess meets nu-raver? So we'll all be looking like royal ravers come Wills and Kate's big day in April? Maybe not, but you can bet you'll have worn at least something with a neon twist come the bank holiday weekend:

KATE THE GREAT

Just when I think I can't envy my favourite supermodel anymore, she comes out with these amazing shots for her new Longchamp collaboration. Never mind the bags, look at Miss Moss (soon to be Mrs Hince bleurgh!) rocking that hair. That is the hair I want! Never thought I'd say it but it may be time to bin the bleach and swap the platinum for some soft highlights a la Kate. 

http://www.longchamp.com

WHERE'S THE LOVE?

Just when you get over the depression that is January in Scotland, February comes along with all its shiny hearts and flowers nonsense. I know I'm not the only one that's totally fed up with the overflow of Valentine's-themed emails that have hit my inbox this week. I don't care if you can creatively transform boring knitwear and scarves into loveheart shapes (Oasis) or if your lingerie will guarantee some looks of love this weekend (too many predictable retailers to mention). Straight to the junk folder I'm afraid!

Being a singleton (and not bitter at all) I'm a bit anti-Valentine's but there are things out there that I love this week. All of which make more of a statement of love and affection then a box of overpriced chocolates and a bunch of withered flowers. So you can keep your cards and poems - this is what I'd like for Valentine's Day and it's not in the least bit romantic:

Limited Edition Leather Heart Necklace £20, La La Land

Love and Fame Cashmere Sweater £425, Jaggy Nettle

Slag Cashmere Sweater £425, Jaggy Nettle

Wildfox I Need Coffee Cutoff Tank £60, Doll Boutique

Amplified Madonna Bad Girl Tee £30, Swishlife